Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Polish Cuisine: Would you like a bowl of lard with that cigarette?


(Above photo in the circular cup: lard to smear on bread).

I've now been in Krakow, Poland since last Thursday, eating my way through pickles wrapped with oily herring, hearty bread, ┼╗ywiec beer, eastern European stews, plenty of cigarettes, and cups of lard. Yes, cups of LARD.

Many Polish meals are begun with a serving of bread and a cup of lard, which the eater smears on bread, sprinkles with salt, and chases with a ┼╗ywiec and a drag from a smoke. As a health-obsessed American, you're likely horrified, but I have actually not seen one fat person under the age of 60 since I've been here.

And let me be completely honest; you know me to be one who sometimes exaggerates, so I will try my damnedest not to with this next statement: There are ZERO ugly females under the age of 50 in the entire country of Poland. You probably don't believe me, but hopefully one of my readers has been to Poland and can back me up in the comments section.
Comments:
Gotta love those Eastern European women. I used to live in Ealing, West London, an area with a large Polish community. Got totally blown out by a polish girl called Zosha (Sophie). She was A+ 11/10 stunning. Probably took offence to my dyed red hair at the time. Oh, well...
 
@fletch -- what do you mean by "blown out?" It sounds both graphic, and like it might require medical attention.

I can't speak on Poland proper, as I've never been there. But Greenpoint, Brooklyn, is essentially Little Poland and I tell you what - Lonnie's right. There are wall to wall butchers, ropes of sausage delicately dangling in the windows, and incredibly gorgeous women just walking around like it's normal. The best doughnut shop on the face of the earth is the Peter Pan Bakery in Greenpoint, and it's staffed entirely by young ladies who used to be in the Polish military!
 
Post photos from Poland, pretty please. (preferably, the posted photos will portray pretty polish women...)
 
i spent all of last summer in Poland and yes, the women are absolutely stunning. But once they hit middle age they all become extremely unattractive.

also you should check out the awesome bookstore in town that's run by ex-pat Americans- they usually have great quiche!
 
@ jeff simmermon

Blown out means to have your advances rejected by a girl (or guy). I suppose medical attention could be required in the case of a serious 'blow out'. I'm guessing that it's an English term.
 
I've been all over Eastern Europe and I have to agree. The girls are way hot. But they do hit the wall in middle age.

The problem in America is we took bad science and used that as an excuse to change our diet to a highly processed one. Which of course means low food prices and great profits for the huge mega corps.

But the food just isn't as satisfying. Any since it isn't we eat more to get the only satisfaction we can. The feeling of being really full.

Humans need a certain amount of pleasure each day. And the US lifestyle just doesn't provide it.
 
@Fletch:

When I was a kid growing up in the States, a "blow out" was when someone had explosive diarrhea. Not sure if anyone else has heard that or says it anymore. I think the equivalent in the US to what you're saying is "blow off".

@Jason,

Have you been reading The Omnivore's Dilemma? If not, you should. I'm reading it now, and it's all about that stuff.
 
One of my favorite stories, which my sister tells regularly, is the one about her college friend who worked at a touristy fudge shop in Frankenmuth, Michigan (where it's perpetually Christmas). One day someone came running into the store wearing short running shorts and shouting "Where's your bathroom!" But it was too late. He or she had a BLOW OUT all over an entire shelving unit of fudge.

That's what I think of when I hear that phrase.
 
So the concept of getting 'blown out by a Polish girl' isn't one you really want to shout about, right? Best remember that while I'm in Canada....
 
Cheers to Polish women. I spent a semester in Krakow during undergrad and spent most of my time either drinking Zywiec or gawking at tall, lovely women. Or both.

It's been 10 years, but there was an amazing bar called the Singer in Kazimierz. I saw it featured in the NY Times a few years ago, so it may be overrun now. In 1995 it was very secluded and joyfully situated next to a store that sold horse meat. Awesome.
 
You are absolutely correct. Fit and fine women everywhere...(everyone actually) and everyone drinks Zyviec, smokes, and eats pork like they're gonna die tomorrow. I was in Gydnia last summer and its all true. I fully believe it has to do with the Poles not having a 'car-centric' lifestyle. You walk everywhere, or bike, and keep yourself moving. I would say the same for Latvia and Lithuania (which has even prettier women) or possibly the entire Baltic.
 
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