Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

My wife has been ROCKING the R. Kelly lately and it's stuck on me like the Fall Out Boy phenomenon.

Before this, I thought R. Kelly was some crappy R & B singer but he's actually this semi-literate thug who can belt 'em out like a songbird and has a rhythm somewhere between Biggie Smalls and Marvin Gaye.

I won't slow down the blog by embedding videos but these are his best songs available on youtube (all are absolutely NSFW):

#1 - Real Talk. This is Kelly's side of a calm-and-collected (not really) telephone argument with his girlfriend of five years. You may think it's a joke --- like the Tracy Jordan character on 30 Rock --- unless you pay attention to the subtleties, like when he refers to some guy named "Milton" who his lady (possibly) threatens to sick on R. Kelly if he don't behave. This stuff can't be faked. Here are some sweet lyrics from his song: "I've been with you five years and you listenin' to your motherfuckin' girlfriends? I don't know why you fuck with them jealous no-man-havin'-ass-hoes anyway." No-man-havin'-ass-hoes! Ha! I gotta remember that one.

#2 - Ignition (Remix). This is the perfect Friday afternoon song. Man, that chorus just makes me get up outta this chair. Best line: "Sippin' on coke and rum, I'm like so what I'm drunk. It's the freakin' weekend, baby, I'm about to have me some fun." Also: "Runnin' her hands through my 'fro, bouncin' on twenty fo's ... " For you uber-whities out there, "twenty fo's" are 24-inch rims (wheels on an automobile).

#3 - I'm a Flirt. R. Kelly, I believe that you are. I don't even want you to meet my wife after hearing this track. Jeez. At least he gives us guys fair warning: "Please believe it, unless your game is tight, and you trust her, then don't bring her around me cuz I'm a flirt." Ok, I have no clue what my "game" even is, but I trust my girl, so I guess I'll let her meet R. Kelly one day.

I'm just listening to these songs over and over. I don't know if I'll ever go back to indie rock. Man.