Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

An infallible way to convert a vegetarian to meat eater: smoked peppered bacon

Case study: 25 year old female, vegetarian since age 15, master's degree in world politics, and all around good lefty---sporting a Che Guevara beach bag.

The context: I'm up at 10:30 AM, frying some delicious Safeway brand smoked peppered bacon. A thin aroma-ladden smoke fills the house as the rasher pops and sputters in its own grease in the iron skillet; the place is beginning to smell like a 1920s backwoods smokehouse. In walks said 25 year old vegetarian, getting ready to head to the beach when she becomes transfixed, saying to me: "Oh my god. That smells SO good." Then, three minutes later: "I can't believe how good that smells. It's incredible. Do you think I could have a bite?" Me: "Sure, go ahead." (Subsequent chewing, and look of pure satifaction on her face). Vegetarianism, OUT THE DOOR in five minutes flat.

In conclusion: Very few people can resist the wonderfulness of smoked peppered bacon. Its flavor is second only to that other edible perfection: raw oysters. If you have friends or loved ones who're vegetarian, think twice before cooking peppered bacon in their presence. Their life long ideals could risk being thrown by the wayside in pursuit of instant satisfaction. But satisfaction WILL be the result. Believe.
I'd love to send this post through some sort of blog time machine to the Lonnie of 9 years ago, where Cool Ranch Doritos were the only things keeping you from total veganocity. I prefer the Lonnie that I can share cheese fries and sushi with. You should write a post about the deer you ate before going vegetarian.
Bacon is a powerful mouthwaterer.

And it has been noted that reindeer sausage is a seductive gateway meat product for some (if you can get it).
Hell, as a meat eater... I won't touch bacon with a 10 foot pole.

Now turkey bacon... that is where it's at.

You are not a true meat eater. Turkey bacon is dry and flavorless.
The funny thing is, I know a TON of 'vegetarians' who always cave in for bacon.

yea right!

She was just a wannabe. Not a true believer! A weak willed tart looking for any excuse to give it up.

That is why they make fak-n-bacon, infidel!

We do not need your stickn dead pig, that started decaying weeks before you ate it & rots in your stomach long before it breaks down into any barely usable.


Stop by my apartment on Saturday morning. I'll be cooking up some sweet, peppered pork. If you can resist, I'll give you twenty bucks.

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