Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

They're going to drill a god damn bolt into my skull.

Just got back from the dentist. They told me the only way I'll be able to continue eating apples with my front teeth is to get a "dental implant". That means they crank a bolt into my head---I assume at least up to the brain area---and afix an artificial tooth to the end. The dentist giggled when I called it a "bolt", but that's exactly what it is. See for yourself. It won't be done for another six weeks (!), and the temporary tooth won't be done until next week (!!), so I have to walk around for a full week looking like Cleatus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

I'm bartending at a 4th of July party this weekend, so I'll be trying to keep conversations at a minimum and smile with my lips closed. Lord.

I tried to saw off the end of the old tooth in order to construct some sort of pre-temporary place holder in my mouth, but it didn't work. My plan was to suspend the old tooth in place with tape or denture glue, but in the process of chopping off the root of the old tooth, the whole thing shattered into a thousand pieces. Oh well. Guess I won't be hanging it on a gold chain around my neck.

Any suggestions?
Play it up. Go get an airbrushed NASCAR T-Shirt, a case of Budweiser, and a can of skoal.
I had a similar situation, but it was with a back tooth, so I guess it's not really so similar after all. Ha Ha!

You could cover it up by getting a set of those crooked yellowed novelty teeth...
You could put a fake one in your mouth and anytime some one bumps into you or sasses you you could spit your tooth out at them.
Use a Chiclet!!
Just shove it up there at an angle so people wonder what it is!!
Fuggit. I'm gettin' gold.
Some folk'll never eat a skunk and then again some folk'll, like cleatus the slack jawed yokel...
Geet yurd steenky gum holes outta here!
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