Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

Despite the tragic freak accident to a Floridian sunbather on a stinkpot or to an Aussie adventurer, stingrays are one of the most docile animals in the sea. I know this from direct experience.

Years back, on my annual sailing mancation, we waded 100 yards from my sailboat to the beach for a late night barbecue. On our walk back through 4-foot-deep dark water that night, we drunkenly stepped on multiple big-ass rays which knocked us off balance in their effort to escape our leaden feet. It would have been far more terrifying had we not been blotto on Wild Turkey.

Despite our intrusion into their feeding grounds, none of the half dozen trodden-upon rays sunk their five-inch poison barbs into our foot flesh.

Dear stingrays of the earth:

This blog post is my personal THANK YOU and wish for your healthy future. My drunken 170-lb ass nearly broke your back bones that late night years ago in the Chesapeake, and you graciously did not harm me or my friends. You had every right to. I sincerely hope your entire species does not receive a violent backlash or needless hatred because of a freak accident and the fact that you are not a "cute animal".

Yours,
Lonnie Bruner

ps: Fuck sharks. They're assholes. They need no defense.