Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Wall-Mounted 'Cuda: Best Gift in God Knows How Long

I'm not excited by many gifts.

Sure, I like getting a Henri Lloyd jacket or a gift certificate to West Marine now and again, but those who truly know me understand my base desires; since I was a little kid I've been obsessed with wall-mounted fish.

Now, I know that many people mourn the loss of our ocean's species, and lament the lack of man-eating sharks swimming about willy nilly; but there was a time when displaying your catch in all its glory on your wall was something commendable, and the open expanse of oceans was ours for the taking.

And for now, I'm sticking with the past.

When Jason opened his trunk to reveal my new wall-mounted barracuda that he got for $5 at a Germantown yard sale, I was like a ten-year-old again. I sprinted through the rain from his car to my apartment and felt like I was back in the 1980s---in my own world, clipping fish pictures from magazines and sticking them on my bedroom wall with Fun Tack.

And thank christ for mean-ass wives. Apparently, Jason bought the 'cuda from a poor fellow who'd paid $800 to have it mounted, only to have his shrew-wife tell him to get rid of it for peanuts at their end-of-summer yard sale.

How sad ... for him!! Ha! Sucker!!

I have a wife who's cool and let's me mount two (count 'em) fish in our apartment. Damn, I'm lucky.
Thank god for great wives. You have a marlin, a cuda and a red snapper.
Funny- As I was quickly walking away with the incredible deal of a fish, the guy said one thing.

"Careful with the fins - they're brittle and might crack off."

I didn't think of it much as I looked over my shoulder at him standing in his driveway with my lincoln in his hand, his kids screaming in the garage, and his wife screaming at his kids, but in hindsight, I feel bad for him.

I was walking away with a part of his masculinity. He probably was having a melancholy flashback to the day he reeled the fish in and how happy he was at the time - happy enough to spend 800 dollars to stuff it. Lost forever to some yard sale vulture who had the audacity to talk down the only remnant of his preneutered manhood from 10 to five bucks.

It can be a cruel world. Enjoy Dmac!!
SHIT yeah that thing is AWESOME. I need a wall mounted hammerhead pretty bad. I already have a stuffed owl in attack position...
Nice work AR. Friends like you are rare.
Quick question, will you tell people you caught it or pop their "expecting-a-cool-fishing-story" bubble by telling them the truth?

I always tell the truth with my stories. Otherwise, I'd be known as a bullshitter and my stories would end up sucking.
All rounder, I need you on my yard sale/enay adventures, You might be quite the assett!
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to catch a marlin. Maybe this was because growing up in northern Illinois, that is not an option. My dad always came home from his fishing trips with northern, bass, walleye, but never a marlin!

So next year, on my birthday, I'm spending a week fishing in either the Keys or Baja, and I hope to bring home my own marlin! And if/when I catch one, I am going to stuff it! Everyone thinks I am crazy, that I should just get one made to the specs that's caught, but I'm going to keep the one I kill. Is that so wrong?

So I appreciate your love of the mounted fish! :)
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