Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Pop Music Is a Sedentary Animal

Is there nothing more for popular music to do? Have we exhausted everything? The conclusive unanimous answer is depressing: pop music is like a water buffalo caught in a trap, locked in an enigma, wrapped in a shroud. It cannot innovate. It's as static as television.

Let me lay out some formulas in case you need to explain this sad fact to a friend.

Most guitars have 6 strings. When I first learned to play guitar in 1988, I was struck by how easy it was. That's a secret all guitar players have. Jimi Hendrix? Ingve Malmstein? Robert Johnson? They got lucky. Take it from a guy (me) who's played guitar for over 17 years: it's a cinch. Very little talent is needed. So if it involves guitar, it's not gonna change for 150 more years. Believe.

There's no talent to being a DJ. I defer to Vice here. They had an article a while back that was genius. A key quote: "A 70-year-old blind Ethiopian leper with 10 broken fingers can 'spin' just as well as any B-list celebrity at any instore party for some gay snowboarding jeans company. I promise." So take that blind Ethiopian guy, put someone behind a mic who has half a sense of rhythm, and you've got rap music. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but it won't change much. Ever. (This sweeping claim applies to all electronic music, too).

Indie rock is made by skinny white boys who were picked on in high school. Holy lord, how many variations of indie rock can one withstand? Here's the deal: if you were a skinny boy in high school and college, and you still haven't gained weight, you're probably feeling pretty unmanly. You've got more emotions running through your veins than teenaged girls. So what do you do? Play guitar. Sing. Start a band. Play live. There you have it. Stasis forever ...

Uber-pop schlock. Madonna on down to Kelly Clarkson. That shit will be playing after the apocalypse. Changeless.

The Society of the Spectacle. Nothing is "edgy" for more than half a year. Don't believe me? Read Guy Debord. It's true. "In societies where modern conditions of production prevail, all of life presents itself as an immense accumulation of spectacles. Everything that was directly lived has moved away into a representation." - G. Debord, 1968
I had so much empty air to expel from my mouth that I devoted an entire post to replying. (OK, I just wanted an excuse to post the DC4C clip I took).
no, I am correct, fool!!!
This includes Christ himself, Isaac Brock. For fuck's sake. His lyrics are abstract and whiny, but if you really look at them they're the ramblings of an immature piece of shit. "Everything that keeps me together is falling apart
I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over." is not incredibly different from "Woops I did it Again". Britney just gets straight to the point. He seems to have di-di-difficulty sa-sa-saying what he means. Indie fag. As for the music, its a pale derivation of "Rock of the 90s"... especially the Violent Femmes and, maybe, the Pixies.

Rock is dead and Guy Debord is a commie bitch.
Rock is dead they said...long live rock.
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