Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Touchless Massage, Energy Flows, God, the Easter Bunny, and George Bush Bombing the Towers ... Welcome to San Francisco

Today I'm in San Francisco talking to my brother's fashion model girlfriend and I have no f'n clue what the hell her mouth is saying. It's like another language.

Her: "People have blockages in their bodies which prevent energy and positive energy from flowing. Everyone has healing in their auras because of the polarity of energy from north to south in their bodies. When you're growing up, the energy is flowing in different ways ..."

??

What's more, she and my brother are fairly convinced that George Bush had something to do with the 9/11 attacks. No joke. I told them I'd be more apt to believe that green monkeys regularly raid the liquor store across the street.

My dad went to college in Berkeley and always made jokes about the "left coast", but when you see it with your owns eyes, the reality is blinding. He'd say, "US topography must be slanted because all the crazies slid into California." So true.

As much as I complain about DC, at least we think straight. That, and the Chesapeake is bigger and more dangerous than the pussy-ass San Francisco Bay (That's right, I said it).

I'm a scientist at heart. I lump all that fantasy into the same category as belief in god, the tooth fairy, touchless massage and the Easter Bunny. Is there security in believing irrational things? There must be. 744,230 people live in San Francisco.
Comments:
Wait. You don't believe in touchless massage!?
 
How about aliens? Sasquatch? Loch Ness Monster? The National Debt? Target coming to Columbia Heights? Magnetic healing?
 
Be nice out there, you east coast dick.

Our bay is way better.
 
Your Bay may be better but our Crabs are taking over your bay.

Hi Kyle!, Do you read the blog?
 
Just for the record, not everyone in SF is like that.
 
People live in San Francisco because it is Mother Fucking Beautiful.

LB, I'm thinking your chakra is amiss. Let me send over some amethyst crystals and magnets, along with a diagram for their exact placement.

Now before you begin, it's very important you consult the tide table...
 
My first trip to that area answered my question,"How liberal is too liberal?" So what they're saying is that the only thing George Bush had done right his whole presidency is 9/11? Just because I got the money doesn't mean I'm buying it.
 
Pete,

No, that's not what they think about Bush and 9/11. They think Bush planned the 9/11 attack so he could have a pretext to start invading other countries. In effect, that Bush was in cahoots with Osama bin Laden. Fucking nuts.
 
Sorry, Lon, I should have made myself clear. That's what I was saying. It just shows a level of coordination and sophistication that our W has yet to show the rest of us. I've always noticed that people who are prone to conspiracy theories have (usually)never worked with a large group of people. More people increases the likelyhood of a fuck-up.
 
Touchless massage is ok, but the "touchless happy ending" is kind of disappointing.
 
I can agree with you on most of the broad points, and it's humorously written (which I imagine is most of the intent) -- but honestly, I don't see dismissing an entire city (or coast) with a vast generalization as any more intelligent or sensible than believing in chakras and 9/11 conspiracies.

Same goes for the enshrinement of cynical, cruel-spirited superiority as if it were common-sense, salt-of-the-earth wisdom.

Between gullible, cruel, arrogant weak thinking, and gullible, vapid, kind weak thinking, I know which one I'd choose...

Interesting blog, though!
 
"Same goes for the enshrinement of cynical, cruel-spirited superiority as if it were common-sense, salt-of-the-earth wisdom.

Between gullible, cruel, arrogant weak thinking, and gullible, vapid, kind weak thinking, I know which one I'd choose..."

I read those sentences twice, and honestly, have no idea who or what you're talking about.
 
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