Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Smashing Things with the Feet and Hands

Hello fans of Talkin' Shit About a Pretty Sunset!

I began taking karate about six months ago. Actually, it's taekwondo, which I'm told is Korean for "smashing things with the feet and hands". How come some languages can encompass a phrase like "smashing things with the feet and hands" in three short words? Hell if I know.

Anyway, I take classes at Yong Studios in Tenleytown. How did I come to choose martial arts? Well, I decided I was too fucking fat and that I needed a sport. I went to the Yahoo! directory page and found an alphabetical list of about 200 sports, and began the winnowing process. Archery? No thanks, I don't do well with sharp, pointy objects. Badminton? No thanks -- those birdies are dangerous as shit! They look harmless but when they're comin' at YO FACE at like 100 mph you'll think differently. Curling? Uh, no. Not a real sport. "Sweep! Sweep! Sweep like you've never swept before!" Gimme a break.

Finally I settled on taekwondo. It costs $109/month and I go an average of twice a week. You start off as a white belt, which I hope does not have some creepy-ass Maoist significance ("a blank sheet of paper can have the prettiest new pictures drawn on it" or whatever the fucked up quote is). Last month I graduated to gold belt, and in June, if everything goes well, I'll become a green belt.

In short: don't fuck with me! If you see me walking on the sidewalk, I suggest you cross to the other side because I will fuck you up just for looking at me funny! I'm crazy as shit! Just kidding, you could probably still kick my ass, whoever you are.

- Olry Vibhor, TSAPS' Guest Blogger For A Week
Olry you are so fucking hot!!!
I'm coming up to your dojo to kick your ass and your teacher's ass, too.

just joking. don't hurt me.
Shut up you fucking baby. I'm going to kick your ass the next time I see you and show you the true power of rage.
I think the Tae Kwon Do ranking system lists gold belt as "can properly stretch and kick the air", not, "can kick the ass of a stranger".
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