Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

75% of Bands Should Not Play Live Performances

**DISCLAIMER: This does not apply to my friends' bands. You guys are awesome. I'd drag myself out to see you any weekday night.**

The world of live music is similar to Washington DC's Art-o-Matic festival. Every year, the Art-o-Matic team holds a humongous exhibition for any dickwad who can throw weird-looking shit together and call it art. Seemingly, there are no credentials or taste checks involved; anyone can be an artist just by sending a submission. The result is a terrible visual cacophony of pretentious "works of art" of which less than 2% is worth viewing. This phenomenon is similar to the many people who pick up musical instruments, get together with friends, and decide to play at their local rock club. At this juncture, there are innumerable crappy bands that have no qualms about torturing the listening public, and there are thousands of venues willing to let them do it. No bar-goer is safe. But how did this happen? And when? Here are my explanations.

Bang your head on the punk rock. The punk genre has done far more harm than good. It may leave the layperson scratching his head, but this genre actually encouraged people with no skills or talent to pick up cheap guitars, play them loudly, and play them in public regardless of the aural consequences. You'll sometimes see punk retrospectives on VH1 praising the original guitar clatterers as underground heros or some such shit, but the simple fact is that 99% of those punk bands just sucked. And punk has had effects across all genres of music. By now, it's socially acceptable for thousands of no-talent-ass-clowns to play live music of any stripe. Thank you, Sid Vicious.

And any d-bag can get a show! If you have working hands and a telephone, you can get a show at most shitty rock venues in all the cities of the developed world. And there are as many crappy bands willing to drive for hours and play for minimal crowds and money as girls with tongue rings and lower back tatoos wanting to be in porno. Thousands of bands tour the country every day looking for people to torture and there's no end in sight. Until rock music dies, we must all suffer.

I have no problem with people taking up an instrument. Hell, I do it. But those folks must realize that just because you play, doesn't mean you should play live. Yes, play guitar, play drums, but do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself.
I guess you're not a big fan of open mic sessions, then.

I probably have some albums of some of the bands you're complaining about.
Great post! You're right, most bands suck. Come see Trotsky Loves Mao... talent meets charisma in a sexual phrenetic cacophony of guitar riffs and crash hits.
Oh, man, Lonnie. I like your blog(s) a lot, but I respectfully and vehemently disagree here. Sure, most bands suck, but it's the same golden percentage of crap to good bands as there are crap to good bloggers or crap to good bartenders. That's what makes a good band good... they're actually, just, uh, good.
Hey Jeff,

Thanks for the compliments. Like yours, too.

"It's the same golden percentage of crap to good bands as there are crap to good bloggers or crap to good bartenders." - Sorry, but this statement just further supports my point.

No question.
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