Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, April 24, 2006

I have exactly one (1) friend who's a genuine bad-ass.

On Friday night, my friend Tom was walking home alone from the restaurant where he works. It was around 4 AM.

While walking down an empty street, a homeless-looking guy confronted him with a rusty knife. The guy pointed the knife at Tom and demanded his money.

Tom reached into his pocket and pulled out a wine opener that he'd been using at the bar that night.

Tom unfolds the wine opener under the street lamp and says to the guy, "Yea? I've gotta knife, too, mother fucker. You wanna cut each other up over the three dollars I've got in my pocket?"

The guy with the knife turned and ran away.

So Tom scared off a mugger by wielding a god damn corkscrew. No joke. This further proves that me and the rest of my friends are genuine milk-fed pussies. Here's to you, Tom. You've got balls of steel ... but the mind of a lunatic.
Comments:
I hate milk.
 
I agree that's pretty badass.
 
Shrubs - you also hate pussy.
 
How could there be an empty street in DC at 4 in the morning? This city is up all night!
 
Yeah? Well I killed a gopher with a stick, fucker.
 
Who was the stickfucker
 
Yikes! Good thing that turned out all right.

Did your friends have wino teeth? (Stained purple from red wine?) Maybe that added to it.
 
I meant "friend" not "friends."
 
Isaac Washington and I had a virtual karate fight via text messaging. does that not count for badass?
 
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