Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Honestly, I like DC tourists.

It's such a cliché to hate tourists. Can't you pick something better to hate? How about lawyers? I mean, they are the offspring of anal sex, after all, and sodomy is the devil's business.

I work downtown, near the Spy Museum and all the other tourist attractions, and constantly have to stumble around high-socked, mid-western families seeing their nation's capital. But seeing them makes me happy. It puts a little skip in my step. They came here to see MY city, and that's flattering.

They make me want to be naive and plump. The world would be a lot simpler that way.
I agree. I've been a tourist, and there is no reason to despise them. Tourist haters are humanity haters.
In your old age you are becoming a gun-toting, neo-nazi, steak-swallowing, tourist-loving, hyphen-enabling prince of the dark party...

Check yourself into these to see:
I love tourists and I hate them. I love helping them, but I hate the crowds. Mainly it's the crowds.
Hey Wigger McKenna, said I'm to the right of Ghengis Khan, but to the left of the Abbie Hoffman. Hmmm ...

Just kidding, it gave me a left wing libertarian score, somewhere near Ghandi and the Dali Lama.

Plus, even though I said I like tourists, I made a disparaging comment about lawyers, so it balances out, doesn't it?
The tourists are part of what makes living in DC fun, come early spring you get to people from the "heartland" in FBI hats, wearing red, white and blue fanny packs, trying to figure out the intricacies of the Metro and traffic signals.
Apparently I must look live I here, so I'm often asked for directions. Depending on if I see a "W" sticker on their SUV determines if I'll give them good directions to the Mall or send them over the bridge, either way I figure they'll get a eye opening experience.
Are you saying all midwesterners are naive and plump? I'm deeply offended. I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of tourists. At least not the swarming crowds of junior highers that speak in decibles audible only to dogs and clog up the sidewalks since it is mandatory that they travel only in packs of twenty or more. Oh well, if I'm a humanity hater, so be it.

I'm not saying all midwesterners are plump. But I am saying that by and large, they are plumper than people on the east and west coasts.
Steak swallower!!!!!
As a D.C. native, seeing tourists is just as entertaining for me as it is for them to see my city.

They probably think we're these sourpuss, non-fannypack-wearin' freaks... and I hope that they laugh at our business women in skirts and sneakers as much as we smirk at their cluelessness and (oftentimes) obesity.
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