Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

There's a lot of mystery surrounding the above piece of porcelin in our bathrooms. For some reason, it's called a "bidet" but our group has applied a more appropriate name: the ass fountain. There are several dilemmas and misunderstandings that we all have with the ass fountain. Below are our main issues.

- Is one supposed to dry wipe with TP AND use the ass fountain? If so, are you supposed to leave you butt wet for the remainder of the day? A dripping crotch can't be good for the ladies.

- Some ass fountains have a little soap holder. This implies that one is supposed to wash his/her ass with soap with bare hands. Doesn't this defeat the whole point of the ass fountain? I mean, if you're going to rub your bare hands on your unclean ass, it can't be very sanitary.

- How is one supposed to position oneself over the ass fountain? The porcelin edges on top are not ergonomic like the toilet, so it doesn't seem equipped for sitting. Are you supposed to make contact with thigh on porcelin or are you expected to hover while the ass fountain does its business?

Dear creator of the ass fountain: please include instructions, with diagrams, preferrably.