Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Deeep Thoughts: Getting My Butt Grabbed by a Gay Dude

During my Halloween party a homosexual man grabbed my butt while I was making drinks. I didn't think much of it, other than musing at the fact that many straight guys would've responded by socking him in the face. Isn't that a fair assessment of many straight American guys? --- especially those that don't live in cities?

When I was in Australia earlier this year, my Aussie distributor told me that he once beat up a gay guy for hitting on him in a bar. This response is foreign to me. Shouldn't he have been flattered, and in a Sarah Palin voice just said, "Thaynks, but noo thaynks"?

Some people think homophobes are gay themselves, but I'm fairly certain my Aussie business partner was not a homo. Homosexuality is just so far from his everyday rural experience that in his mind these people are defined solely by butt sex, and that makes him nauseated and angry for its pure strangeness. But if you live in a city with a larger gay population, you're less likely to think about anal sex when you meet or talk to gay men whose personalities are as varied as any other human you meet. Do homophobes and many religious people imagine first and foremost what it looks like when other people fuck? Do they also picture their straight friends doing it? Odd. I don't want to picture most of my friends doing ANY sexual act.

Years ago, I went to a gay strip club with a group of friends, including my wife. It was insane. This gay strip club was FAR different from a straight one in two main ways: 1) the patrons often fondle the strippers' private parts and; 2) there's hardcore porno playing on 100 TVs. It would be like if a guy went to see female strippers at a club where they allowed you to feel the titties and pussies and porno was blasting from every direction!

People who feel the urge to punch gays in the face for grabbing their butts or hitting on them should go to a gay strip club --- better to confront what you hate or fear head-on. Who would be afraid to do this? I suppose the same people who never step out of their comfort zone --- like those who won't swim in dark water, travel outside North America, or walk through a bad neighborhood.

Recently my old friend came out of the closet at age 42. Don't gay people usually come out of the closet sooner than that? I can't fathom the level of shame of not being able to tell the world who you really are until age 42. What a pity.
I think for some people it's not just about the shame, it makes you into a liar. Like-disgusted people might say..."after all these years, THIS is who you really are???"
So, women who feel the urge to slap men in the face for grabbing their butts or hitting on them should go to a regular strip club to "better to confront what [they] hate or fear head-on?

I hardly think it is "hate or fear" of heterosexual sex that makes women annoyed when men grab them in a bar. More likely, it is the sense of violation of private space. Why must it be "hate or fear" when a straight man feels violated in the same way?

Perhaps the better solution is for people not to grab each other's body parts until they get to know each other better.

Interesting point. You may be right.
Sounds like this gay strip club, and presumably others, are regularly in gross violation of the law and could easily be hugely fined and shut down for allowing this behaviour, even if it's consensual and welcome.

Harassment need not be about hate or fear, but merely unwelcome intrusion or violation. Regardless, it should never prompt anyone to violence. Hateful bigotry is not really at all analogous to someone's relative willingness to walk through a bad neighborhood, unless the only thing "bad" about it is that it is inhabited by people who appear different in some way.
Anon, you said: "Hateful bigotry is not really at all analogous to someone's relative willingness to walk through a bad neighborhood."

I was comparing someone who wouldn't go to a gay strip club with friends analogous to someone who'd never walk through a bad neighborhood --- people who never step outside their comfort zone. I didn't compare hateful bigotry to someone who can't do those things.
It kinda reads more like, "People who feel the urge to punch gays in the face for grabbing their butts or hitting on them" (ie. bigots) should confront their fear by going to a gay strip club (like that's going to happen). Two different "comfort zones" - one is an internalized, personal, emotional issue with no real hazard or danger, while the other is a rational concern for one's very real physical safety in the face of established risks. Identity vs. physical well-being. Imagined dangers vs. real ones. Regardless, I do get what yer sayin'.
I realize it's not gonna happen --- was being tongue-in-cheek. Guess it didn't come across very well.
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