Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

For the first time, I youtube-searched Modest Mouse's song Talkin' Shit About a Pretty Sunset --- this blog's namesake. The song is here. It's better to read the lyrics as two paragraphs:

Oh ... noose. Tied myself in, tied myself too tight. Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance, like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance. And I claim I'm not excited with my life any more, so I blame this town, this job, these friends, but the truth is it's myself. And I'm trying to understand myself and pinpoint where I am. When I finally get it figured out, I've changed the whole damn plan.

Talking shit about a pretty sunset. Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon. I've changed my mind so much I can't even trust it; my mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself.

First time I heard that song was in 1996 when the album was new and I liked 90% of indie rock on the market. Now indie rock is gone from my list of top interests but Modest Mouse sticks around, along with My Bloody Valentine, as two of the indie bands that don't grate my eardrums like Sarah Palin's voice after a few minutes.

The lyrics fit me well. I DO change my mind all the time and despite the fact that I sound confident on this blog so often, I could be convinced otherwise in most cases. If you met me in person, you'd realize I'm not much of a boastful bon vivant (most of the time).

I called three "life coaches" (yes, a real profession) today to find the right one. Apparently, most people who do that are women, but I don't give a fuck. God damn, I hate the way psychologists ask questions without giving advice so I'm not going to one of those. Maybe I need someone to coach me along. Anyone who knows a good one should let me know.

Damn, my life is good in many ways --- own two houses, zero debt, beautiful smart wife, wonderful family, international job, etc --- but something feels missing. Man, that sounds whiny, and I know lots of folks are MUCH worse off than I'll ever be --- I've met them --- but it doesn't matter.

Careerwise, I'm a jack of all trades, I suppose. I've been to enough foreign countries and all that --- fine. Part of my uneasiness is because I'm 34 and most people my age are set in their careers and hitting their stride now --- the time that they're making a good deal of money and their skill level surpasses those around them, something to take pride in. I don't really have that yet.

What I need is a few dudes to tell me to shut the fuck up, quit whining, and start pursuing my loves and passions. Shit, I've got plenty of those --- friends and passions. I suppose I'm just one of the millions of whining, soymilk-fed Americans --- the kind that I rail against so often on this blog. Yikes!