Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

Today I learned that turkeys are sons of bitches.

I had to run some errands in the country near Annapolis and while driving I spotted a big-ass turkey standing on someone's front lawn. I stopped to check it out.

When I got out of the car, it seemed docile, so I snapped a few pictures. In turkey religion, this must steal their souls because at that point it flared out its tail feathers and charged me like a pissed off miniature grizzly bear. That sucker looked like he meant business, so I ran back to the car, narrowly missing a wound to my butt cheek. For the next few minutes, I watched him circle my vehicle like a shark. He began craning his neck like, "Bitch, I am for real. Do not fuck with me."

And the sound they make is definitely not a "gobble gobble"; it's more like a high-pitched death chirp.

Anyway, for the next few minutes he circled my car until I hit the gas, and then, that turkey CHASED MY CAR. I am not kidding. I managed to snap a three second video for posterity. If I hadn't been running for my life, I might have been able to get more video. Notice the turkey in full trot on the right of the screen:



Now I feel even better about eating these beasts for Thanksgiving. They are not nice animals.