Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I just got chased by a vicious turkey.

Today I learned that turkeys are sons of bitches.

I had to run some errands in the country near Annapolis and while driving I spotted a big-ass turkey standing on someone's front lawn. I stopped to check it out.

When I got out of the car, it seemed docile, so I snapped a few pictures. In turkey religion, this must steal their souls because at that point it flared out its tail feathers and charged me like a pissed off miniature grizzly bear. That sucker looked like he meant business, so I ran back to the car, narrowly missing a wound to my butt cheek. For the next few minutes, I watched him circle my vehicle like a shark. He began craning his neck like, "Bitch, I am for real. Do not fuck with me."

And the sound they make is definitely not a "gobble gobble"; it's more like a high-pitched death chirp.

Anyway, for the next few minutes he circled my car until I hit the gas, and then, that turkey CHASED MY CAR. I am not kidding. I managed to snap a three second video for posterity. If I hadn't been running for my life, I might have been able to get more video. Notice the turkey in full trot on the right of the screen:



Now I feel even better about eating these beasts for Thanksgiving. They are not nice animals.
Comments:
Ha, well, you know what it was right? He knows what the time of year and is a little bitter. A good defense for future reference is a can of cranberry sauce.
 
Maybe he was trying to mate. Don't be so culturally insensitive.

Awesome story.
 
I would pay good money to see you fight a turkey. Cage match.
 
I'm putting money on the turkey.
 
Not only do Turkey's believe that photographs steal their souls, they also conduct ritual circumcisions on their young.

You'd also develop a pretty primitive society if you had a flourescent nutsack attached to your neck.
 
This is going to pop in my head when I sit down to Thanksgiving dinner next week. Glad he wasn't able to peck ya in the butt.
 
How great! I'm agreed that this is a good way to make oneself feel better about eating them. I've heard goose stories that were incredibly similar. Ducks & chickadees remain nonconfrontational...
 
Hey, Bruner...

The WaPo Express picked up your turkey post...screen shot and everything: http://www.readexpress.com/

Klav
 
Hilarious!!!
 
You're lucky you didn't get chased down by a vicious turducken.
 
Did you get its number?
 
Ha, ha, ha! That is so random.
 
I'm betting on the turkey as well...no offense Lonnie. You want to see nasty? Wait until a rooster chases you.
 
While I was hunting I had about 5 turkeys scare off a big buck. I still got the Doe!
 
well, I don't feel so alone. I just got chased by a turkey today for the first time in my life and I wanted to see if anyone else had and voila! here you are!

I, too, do not feel bad about eating turkey. Although I was invading her space as she had 4 young turkies with her to protect, but she didn't do anything while I was taking pictures with my phone, only when I was trying to leave!
 
So the SAME thing happened to me today!!! I deliver packages for a living. The turkey chased me to my truck. Once I got in it just stood in front of my truck. Once I did drive off it CHASED my truck!! Creepy!
 
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