Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hey Asshole, Here are a Few Things NOT to Say When Sailing with Me.

I took a neighbor's boyfriend out sailing Sunday after he'd asked me to take him on several occasions, and he complained the entire time like a little dickwad. From this experience, I've compiled a short list of DON'Ts in case you happen to sail with me. These should be no-brainers, but some people have no social skills (maybe that's why "some people" have been divorced ... thrice).

1 - DON'T keep musing to everyone onboard how you can't believe that you hate being on the water this much, especially after I've given a few subtle reminders (FOUR TIMES) that "that's the last comment I wanna hear about this." Just because I'm smiling when I say that, doesn't mean I'm joking.

2 - DON'T continually make stupid jokes about how slow sailboats move. We are all aware that sailboats go considerably slower than stinkpots (motorboats). That doesn't take a masters degree in physics to understand.

3 - DON'T make anti-sailboat comments more than twice. You get two, but that's it. Yes, the rivalry between sailors and stinkpotters has a long history and has been well-catalogued on this blog. And it really is funny, but these jokey conversations are best had on land; at sea, they're just annoying -- especially after the 10th joke about how much my sailboat sucks to you. Fuck off. Really.

4 - DON'T continually spout off about how you cannot understand why anyone would want to spend the day on a boat. Why the fuck are you even here if you didn't "understand" that simple-to-understand phenomenon?

5 - DON'T pretend you don't know why some aspect of sailing is occuring -- like when the boat heels (leans) -- just so you can in turn make some snide comment that what's happening doesn't meet your standards or is annoying/ridiculous to you and would NEVER happen on a motorboat.

In short, you should treat someone's boat like it's their house. I would never come to your house and complain about your choice of paint or furniture or location to your face. That's rude. I've been on motorboats and had a great time, even though I would've rather been sailing. But to remind the owner of your disapproval multiple times makes you a huge asshole. Shouldn't that be common sense?

I'm not sure who's worse -- complainers or doomsayers. Perhaps the former.
Complainers are worse, by far. Doomsayers can be comical.

I once knew this guy in the military who complained all the time about how hard it was...being wet and cold, how much other people stank, how hard everyone busted their ass and how tired he was...I bet you can guess what happened. ;)
That was the only comedic complaining I've ever heard.
Yikes! That must have been a fun day, did he mention on multiple occasion your obvious broblem of the "prop spinning around"? You should have just blasted Salty Dick songs to drowned him out!
And a good time was had by everyone!
That sounds like it could have been the single most horrible day I have ever heard of on your boat, and that includes me hurling from mal de mar.

You should have given him the treatment you gave that other dick who wouldn't let go of the tiller in a storm (he tossed him in the drink so DNR had to pick him up hours later)
LX: Salty Dick was blasted to no avail.

AR: Yes, it sucked. Amazing how one person's lack of tact can make things so miserable.
Damn. What a douchebag. I think I would have thrown him overboard accidentally. Those stinkpot lovers don't have the best open-sea balance, and can have "accidents".
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