Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

It's a shame that most people have never played an electric guitar on full fuzz distortion through an amp that's turned so high that the cops come.

I'll try and convey what it's like to you, the layperson.

When you play a power cord at full volume -- especially the first time it actually sounds GOOD -- there's little else on Earth that feels similar.

I re-visited this phenomenon while listening to the Smashing Pumpkins' album, Gish, with my friend Pat. We both agreed that learning to play the songs from Gish on guitar for the first time was one of the best feelings from our earlier days.

It's a rare exhilaration and power you feel when all the strings are tuned right and you can make it sound half-rhythmic, then put the volume "to eleven", so to speak. I've been trying to figure out how best to describe that feeling to the non-guitar-playing public, and finally came up with a proper analogy.

The only comparable feeling I've experienced in my life was back in 2004 in Cambodia when I fired 30 rounds from a fully automatic AK-47 machine gun at a firing range. Not joking. That's the same feeling. It's a combination of wielding something very loud, very powerful, a tad dangerous, and very annoying to most people in your vicinity. In short, awesomely awesome awesomeness.

So if you're musically disinclined, get yourself to a firing range and go nuts. Either that, or just take some guitar lessons, lazy-ass.