Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

44% of Americans believe that Jesus will certainly (22%) or probably (another 22%) descend from heaven flanked by a blaze of angelic glory before he destroys all of humanity like a mass-murdering superhero, so meeting someone who believes in the mysterious powers of H2O is not too strange, I suppose. The hard part is holding a conversation with such a person.

My experience yesterday at the organic farming trade show at first inspired me to write a Guide to Speaking with Crazy-ass Old Coots, but then decided I'm not qualified to offer that advice because I have no earthly idea how.

The first nutsoid I encountered ranted that it's a moral outrage for the US government to fine people. He'd created a new term for the victims of these crimes -- "muckts" -- and assured me that I was one.

The next fellow was convinced that the US economy will collapse in 2016. I told him to never predict anything, especially the future, but he assured me that the future can be predicted: if he punched me in the nose right then and there, his prediction was that pain would ensue. Touché, Señor Insano, touché.

But the old codger with the withered right arm spouting the benefits of intellectual water took the cake. According to "Dr" David, today's water has lost its "spiraling-induced" energy and "intellectual power" to provide health to plants and animals.

Picture me, nodding and smiling, only the words "hmm" and "interesting" coming from my lips, for a full 20 minutes.