Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Asia Has Never Produced a Good Dessert.

My gay friend Paul said it best: "All Asian desserts taste like dick." Paul should try Choa Kou, a Thai dessert I tasted here in Bangkok that's the true John Holmes of the many nauseating Asian desserts throughout the planet.

Imagine, if you can, a bowl filled with slimy, gelatinous shit-brown globules suspended in ice water that's eaten like soup. There's a weak sweetness, but the texture of the slippery globules distracts you from what little sugar there is---all the while, you're focused on tongue-dodging the unavoidable chips of ice. When finished, you're left with an inch of viscous cold broth. Hands down, this is the worst crap I've eaten, and I'm the guy who's consumed weird-ass food from cicadas to bull testicles.

Asia has produced some of the best cuisine the world has to offer but they've fucked up dessert to an offensive degree. I vow to give $50 to anyone who can direct me to an Asian dessert that's halfway edible. I'm not kidding: I'm a regular Paypal user so we can settle it that way.
Comments:
When I was in Thailand I thought the Mango Sticky Rice was pretty good.
 
Dude, you're up shit's creek. All I Have to Say is Green Tea Ice Cream.
 
How about the Japanese "pastry" manju?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manju_%28food%29
I've had it many times -- the outside texture is interesting and the interior has the consistency of almond paste with a sweet taste
 
Not to pile on or anything, but now that I think about it I also had some really delicous Cocunut Banana pudding thing at Aroon Rai in Chiang Mai.
 
I don't know if this is a local invention or not, but at a Japanese restaurant last week I had Ice Cream Tempura (it comes in green tea ice cream and mango). good stuff.
 
Joadasm # 1: Rice in dessert? Dude, rice is starchy and bland. Horrible combo.

Isaac: Use something that's bitter, and make ice cream out of it. Riiiight ...

Mjbarbarino: Allow me to quote from your wiki link: "There are many varieties of manju, but most have an outside made from flour, rice powder and buckwheat and an inside filled with red bean paste. The bean paste is made from boiled azuki beans."

- Ok, so we have a dessert made from flour, rice, buckwheat, and two types of bean paste. I wonder if they also use brown globules?

Jodasm #2: pudding has a horrible texture. It's like eating a cold bowl of sugared semen.

EVK4: So you're proposing ice cream that looks like this. No thanks.

So far, the $50 is mine. There's not one Asian dessert that can hold a candle to the desserts made by the rest of the world.
 
I have to side with you, LB.

I wonder what goes through Asian people's minds when they are exposed to quality french pastries or swedish chocolates for the first time.

This begs the question, do your thai friends realize their desserts taste like porn star genitalia?
 
How about some seioubo? I like it because it looks like
my wife's cute ass (a GREAT desert!).

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/48/Seioubo_Japanese_traditional_sweets.jpg
 
AR,

Thank you.

Great Big Gun,

That is excellent. Asian desserts not only taste like ass, they look like ass too!
 
I've had a Korean version of that desert, but it had beans in it as well as the ice chips and jell-o bits. It was not nearly as good as the spicy beef drop noodle soup I had before it, although the milkyness of it helped cool me off.

So how bout fortune cookies?...hehe jk
 
Hey, jackass, chocolate isn't exactly sweet until you add sugar. In fact, it's b-b-b-b-bitter.

Give me my $50.
 
Wow! You're totally right, and other people agree! Check it out on factropolis..

http://www.factropolis.com/2006/10/at-2006-world-gourmand-expo-asian.html
 
According to Wikipedia, the Thais invented coconut ice cream. The $50 is MINE! Buuwaahaahaaaa. Ha. ha.

Bye the by, desserts in Accra reeaaallly suck ass, but I have not tried them all yet.

Dan
 
Dan,

Coconut ice cream is about as Thai as hamburger sushi is American.

Get my point?

$50 = mine.
 
Try chocolate mochi.. A little strange, but awesome nonetheless!
 
If you tried the Filipino dessert Maja blanca I think I will easily win that $50. So is that bet still open?

thailand real estate
 
Mango pancake from Kei Kee dessert This is the nicest tasting dessert I have ever tasted. Had it last Summer when I was in Hong Kong

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5027/5546429969_f544e80d5e.jpg


 
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