Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Having a slight gut, being toothless, bald and bearded gets you cred' in Baltimore.

Not that it matters, but women in DC generally don't shoot glances my way. This is because I wear a wedding band on my left hand, never wear blue collared shirts tucked into khaki pants, have a slight gut, a shiny shaved head, am missing my top front tooth and have a scraggly beard---otherwise, I'm one of the most good looking dudes in town (picture at right).

These can be detrimental physical traits for men in cities like DC, but as I found this weekend, it's not a problem in Baltimore, Maryland USA.

At first I thought, "Why are these women giving me the eye? This is unusual ..." Then I remembered that the people in Baltimore can get away with a lot more slovenliness than other cities, and it's even considered attractive. And as you can see, I was surrounded by lovely ladies the whole evening (the loveliest, my wife, standing to my right):

And the bands are definitely weirder in Bmore. Check out this group, "The Headwounds". Their drummer was a big fat dude with a red beard and wearing a diaper, while the other band members included a lesbian faux-hawked guitarist and this "cheerleader" (right) in black face. The cheerleader's job was to pump her pom poms into the air while a strobe light flashed upward at her; she played no instrument and didn't sing.

Every time I go to Baltimore, I wax philosophical about moving there, but I know I never will. For people living in DC, Baltimore is a novelty, worthy of a few road trips. But living there would no doubt get boring after about 12 months.
Funny. Are we talking "street" cred' here?

This post sums up "Balimore hun" nicely.
It's a very different city, isn't it? I was just up there a few weekends ago and even driving around, you feel it. Was the band any good?

I'm talking "Baltimore cred'".


The band sucked, but my friend's band, The Oranges Band, who played first, were good.
Damn, you are one pudgey, pastey dude. Seriously, your mind is based in your organic body. If your body is a cesspool, your mind will be sub-optimal (to say the least).

Dude, get some excercise - you're what? 33 years old? You can pass for 45. What are you going to look (and feel) like when you hit 40.

Mom? Is that you?
What, the Oranges don't even get a shout out? That's why i had to write that mean message. Oh wait, that was some other dipshit.

Hey, (dry-heave), you're a tool! Bruner's the bomb.
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