Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

For the benefit of humankind, I vow NOT to wear flip flops this summer.

You've never thought, "You know, I really enjoy looking at a man's bare feet." Hopefully, no one has. At best, a man's feet look like a pair of shaved squirrels, and at worst, like a pair of cheese-and-hair-encrusted tumors.

Every spring, I go through this dilemma. I either wear flip flops and allow my feet to breathe---all the while torturing the viewing public---or I stifle my feet in two sweat factories called shoes.

This year I've come to a compromise: the Columbia boat shoe. Didn't see that coming, did you. These shoes have holes in the soles for water drainage and and breathability. Mind you, I won't be able to step in any puddles that are deeper than four millimeters, but I will no longer torture the public by forcing them to see my ugly-ass feet. (One exception: if I'm within 10 feet of a large body of water).
I will be wearing sandals/flip flops whenever possible. This part is true.

I will be clipping my toe nails at metro stops as well, and in takeout restaurants.

I will also be popping my collar and wearing a backwards baseball cap.
Please refrain from clipping your toenails on my blog. Thank you.
Lonnie, just say no to the old man shoes! What's next bermuda's with black dress socks??? I say bring on the flip flops!!!

As an Aussie, "flip flops", or as they are commonly known over here, "pluggers", are a part of our culture and worn with pride. Regardless of how vulgar someones feel might be, it is essential that pluggers are worn with shorts, skirts, pants, jeans and basically just about anything!

It's when you start wearing "double pluggers" that you know you have stepped up in the world! (That's when the piece of rubber wedged between your big and the next one have reinforcement of a double plug - the athletes plugger!)
I don't mind flip flops as long as the toenails are clean.
I have Jesus sandals and ugly ugly feet/toes. (they make children cry)

The sandals are just enough to clothe thy naked villainy, yet provide great air conditioning.

But maybe I'll get a pair of those shoes.
Don't buy 'em man - even though they have screens on the bottom yer feet will still smell like a week old fart.
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