Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, February 12, 2007

An Ode to Consuming Feces: How my Dog Does Her Part to Keep Adams Morgan Clean

By chowing down pounds of shit per week, my beagle Grace is doing her best to make our nation's capital's dog owners seem less irresponsible.

She's one of the few who take care of these neglected crap piles littering DC. The city doesn't clean them up. Other dog owners don't touch them. They just sit there decaying for months until a coprophagic dog like mine comes along and makes the neighborhood more livable.

And there's more to eating poo than you may think. A shit-eating dog has certain types of feces that they prefer. For example, Grace has no interest in fresh, warm dog shit; her delight is to snatch up the frozen turds before I can see her doing it. She doesn't eat Great Dane-sized dog crap, either, which is too big to fit in her cute little mouth. And if we're walking on a horse path that's covered in grass-rich manure, it's like Bob's Big Boy for Grace; she'll bury her face if you don't watch out.

And Grace's most stomach-churning feast occurs when I walk her too close to the edge of Rock Creek Park where the homeless masses pinch their loaves. Yes, folks, Grace devours homeless man poop. You haven't lived until your dog licks your face and it smells like a bum's ass.

To live with this, I've convinced myself it's simply her civic duty. It helps with the nausea, at least.
I'm really glad my dog doesn't eat poop!
Thank you, Grace. Good dog
I never thought I would live to see the day when I would read the sentence, "You haven't lived until your dog licks your face and it smells like a bum's ass". Great work, LOL.
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