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Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Things in the DC Area That I Could Give Two Shits About
- Saint Barnabus Road: No fucking clue where this road is, but I hear about it daily on the traffic reports. 75% of the places mentioned on those reports aren't ever seen by the majority of any city's residents. Worthless-ass road.
- Arlington, Virginia: I've lived in this area off and on since 1981 and I've had the misfortune of driving into Arlington like 25 times. 22 of those, I got lost as hell and ended up near the CIA or in the maze of the Pentagon parking lot. Isn't Arlington where Robert E. Lee lived? Yea, that's something to be proud of. On second thought, Arlington is good for one thing: Halloween costume stores. But that's it.
- The night clubs just south of Dupont Circle: Holy lord, this club region is in part why people sometimes refer to D.C. as "Douchebag City". Those clubs are like a year's worth of Vice Magazine's DON'Ts section.
- Landstown Mall: I used to think this place was in Pennsylvania but apparently it's part of a crappy PG County strip mall. I'd rather do a double shot of my own diarrhea than spend an hour in Landstown Mall.
- The Baltimore/DC "rivalry": Love Baltimore. Nothing against it. But every once in a while you hear that people in Baltimore think there's some kind of rivalry going on between the two cities. Really? News to me. While a great city in its own right, Baltimore is rarely on the mind of any DCian.
- The Occoquan: This is a St. Barnabus Road-type phenomenon. Where the hell is this place? It's been mentioned on every traffic report for time immemorial, so some unfortunate soul must have been there. The two shits I could give about the Occoquan are so small that I wouldn't even bother to use google maps to find its location.
- The Mixing Bowl: This place apparently is where the DC beltway and that highway going to Richmond meet. From what I've heard, it's such a vapid, soul-sucking traffic nightmare that it should be included retro-actively in the book, Dante's Inferno.
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Telegraph Road is another I've only heard of the place because the Beltway (I think) is _always_ backed up to Telegraph Road and don't forget the phantom "Woodrow Wilson Bridge" which I think has the full name of "It is slow going across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge"
LB I laughed out loud prompting a co-worker to ask me what was funny. The double shot of diarrhea comment is what did it. Beautiful.
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