Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Gypsy Matriarch Came A-knockin'.

As I mentioned before, a family of gypsies moved in a few doors down months ago. Their clan is led by a fortune-telling matriarch who finally visited me today.

My dogs start going nuts but no one was at the door. Confused, I walked to the window, and I saw a portly figure in a long black fur coat standing on the sidewalk leading up to my doorstep. It was the gypsy matriarch, standing there, hauntingly.

I opened the door and she says, "I'm fortune teller. You know?" I'm like, "Uhh ... yes?"

She'd come to my house to ask for three large nails. She specified that they had to be at least four inches long. I told her I had some small ones, and she was oddly pushy and annoyed and kept asking for more after each trip I made back with a handful. It was eerie.

I don't trust that gypsy matriarch because once my wife and I were driving home late at night and there was only one parking spot on the road and SHE WAS STANDING IN IT---just blocking us, saying she was holding it for her husband. We tried to back into her, but she didn't budge. That is seriously against DC parking etiquette, and I could hardly forgive my own sweet mother for such an offense. We ended up moving on becasue my wife was driving, but if I'd been at the wheel, I assure you, there'd have been some gypsy tears on my car that night.

My theory about the nails? Coffins, dudes, COFFINS.
Those crazy fortune tellers are so sleazy. She might have been casing the place.
You write out the name of your victim, roll up the paper and pierce it with a nail. :x
Before she appeared at your doorstep, LB, the woman had foreseen this blog post, and already was annoyed with your parking story.
Careful, man ... the last thing you want her to do is touch you and whisper "Thinner" into your ear ...
i agree with Washington Cube? And you know why she asked for more? For you dude! You weren't fast enough to appease her so she added you to the list. You're going to be smited! Go to a catholic church and get holy water immediately! Bury it in the backyard next to your diamond mine!
Do not engage!!! Just smile and act like a dumb blonde. Be overly nice in mannerisms but do not engage in real conversation.

You do NOT want gypsies against you, seriously. they operate outside the law.

and they have night vision goggles.
Where would a gypsy get Night Vision Goggles? Does she have a shotgun too?
Dude, for real. Never give a gypsy things! Unless it's like a cup of sugar. You better get down to your local Santaria shop and tell 'em you need somethingg to get uncrossed.
Holy crap, maybe I made a real mistake. My neighbor Liz gave her some crushed pepper in a napkin.

Let's see ... four inch nails, pepper .. fortune telling ...

Not sure what that means, but it will definitely be a good way to scare my children (when I have them) by telling them we'll sell them to the gypsies if they misbehave.
i dont know if you frequent the woodley park metro stop, but she's also posted up shop there.

during trips to CVS, the metro, or restaurants i've often turned the corner to see your fortune telling neighbor and her palm reading chairs set up outside of the mcdonalds.
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