Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Friday, September 02, 2005

I'm glad summer is over so I will be forced to stop wearing flip-flops.

I have a conflicting relationship with flip-flops. While I care very little about fashion or what clothes look like, I firmly believe that a man's bare feet should never be seen (the only exception is if he's within 100 feet of a body of water). Do you know anyone who likes looking at a man's hairy-ass toes? Disgusting.

Having said that, flip-flops are the most low maintenance footwear known to humans. This, and they're 10 times less hot than ordinary shoes. So for the past three months I've struggled every day wearing such things because they're so comfortable yet I look like a tool whenever I leave the house. Now that September's here and the weather calls for less offensive footwear, I won't be so conflicted.

Fall, it'll be good to see you when you get here, my friend.
A man should never wear flip flops. Period.
Have you considered espadrilles? Fishman's sandals? Birkenstocks? Jesus shoes?
Men are allowed to wear sandals (including flipflops) when the following conditions are met:
1. It is very hot outside.
2. The feet are not hideous. This is VERY important. No Sasquatch toes (dude, just trim that shit, it won't make you gay), no yellow toenails (shudder), no ragged nails, dirt or general unpleasantness.
3. I'm very sorry to have to say this, as it shouldn't need to be mentioned, but these rules apply to ladies too.

Men's feet are not beautiful, nor are they expected to be unless you're Justin Timberlake, but they are allowed to come out of hiding in the right setting. Flipflops have their place in society, but like shorts and lycra, they carry with them a responsibility, and failure to meet these basic visual standards should cause a revocation of one's license to wear them.
Again, I'm guilty of wearing them.

Nonetheless, I know it's just wrong.
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