Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon.

Monday, June 27, 2005

My Old Friend, Nate

Someone more articulate than me wrote about my friend Nate's death. He expresses exactly how I feel.

I am just so distraught and in absolute anguish over this news. I'm not even sure why I'm writing as I have nothing worthwhile to say except to express how upset I am. Last night I lay awake for I don't know how long re-experiencing the moment when I heard the news and feeling like I'd just been punched in the stomach.

Of course this is all nothing compared to what Nate's family must be going through. I know I'm supposed to offer up bromides about how we should cherish the time we had with Nate rather than focus on what we've lost, but that's not the way it feels. It feels like there's been some colossal mistake in the proper functioning of the universe but no one caught it in time and now it's too late.

I moved away from DC in 2003 and beyond the wonderful memories I have of him, I was always happy that Nate and Daphne had met and gotten married, and that he had someone to share his passions, whether his unique taste in music, dedication to social justice, delicate touch with homemade pizza or any of the many other facets that made Nate such an intriguing and accepting person.

He emailed me a month ago full of bravado about beating the cancer, and then taking the fight to George Bush and the Indonesian war criminals. I had no doubt that he would succeed, against the illness at least. Now I see that the cancer was a more formidable opponent than he realized, and the rest of us are left to wonder how this could be.

I'm going to be very sad about this for a long while, and lament how much we've lost, not only in Nate's actual absence, but in my case even though we weren't in regular contact, the comfort of knowing that he was in the world, being himself and living the life I felt fortunate to have participated in. I don't know if that makes any sense the way I've written it, but I know what I mean.

Someday I may be able to reflect on the positives and appreciate the time I had with Nate without those feelings being swallowed up by anger and sorrow. But not yet. It just hurts too much.

Nate, you were a good person and we need more people like you, not fewer. I miss you and now I think I'm going to cry.


Nate Osborn, 1998
I'm sorry I never met him. He sounds like a great person.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Web Counter
Web Counters