Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset

I've recently entered the "Clear the 'Stache" mustache-growing contest sponsored by my wife's company.

I'm assuming my opponents will be clean-faced 20-something man-boys who merely dab milk on their faces each Monday so the cat can lick off the patchy, corn-hair stubble.

In short, I'm not too concerned about losing. I've had a beard for two years and have a one-month head start on their naked faces.

But to guarantee the gold, I'll have to put some extra effort into it.

I searched online for a suitable mustache wax, but Amazon only offers Colonel Conk's which got bad reviews. There's a reputable brand called Firehouse Moustache Wax but $15 (with shipping) isn't in my budget.

So I've decided to brew my own. According to Wikipedia, "a simple recipe for homemade moustache wax comprises equal quantities of beeswax and petroleum jelly, combined in a double boiler and allowed to cool before use." Mmm. Exactly what I want beneath my nostrils.

The next issue is what style of mustache do I need?



For now, I'm thinking either the Abra Kadabra or the Connoisseur. Is a Hitler mustache still not PC?